Diana took this one at a crawfish boil when Summer was a baby. Her first boil? Matt was a proud papa and we were the only ones with a baby.
I am going through old pictures on CDs to get rid of the old media. Wow, this is an old one. I thought it was before Matt had contacts but that’s not right. He must have been wearing his glasses in preparation for laser correction for his eyes on this day at the zoo with Summer’s preschool class mates.
I can’t remember why space travel came up at the dinner table tonight, but we were discussing whether we would travel to outer space if we could. Cole has recently expressed an interest in space technology, but no one was interested in actually taking a trip on a space shuttle. That’s how I have always felt, and Cole clarified that he did not want to be an astronaut. He is possible interested in developing and building space technology on Earth. But the discussion reminded me of one that Matt and I had several times, especially as Elon Musk has for years been wanting to start some way to do space tourism. Matt would certainly have signed up if he could afford it. He would have loved it. Well, space tourism is not yet a thing but the prospect keeps me in mind of him. It’s funny that none of the kids felt that way, and shows me the lack of the influence he would have had.
Here is one of those moments where Matt is with us– in the way that all of the kids are grinning at me.
I am still running regularly and I know that Matt would be too. As much as my body compels me to continue I still find myself pushing through the uphill stretches wishing I were doing something else. I often count the remaining uphill parts till I’ll be done, but today, a lightbulb went off and I started thinking maybe I should be counting the downhills left to go.
P.S. Does this change of perspective mean I am officially over the hill?
Over the past month, I have been reading the Autobiography of Mark Twain, first volume 2 and then volume 1. In it he describes his method of autobiography– to address what was current and interesting in his life at the moment and use that to recall past events. I hadn’t put it into such words, but all along that is really the way I have thought of writing this blog since Matt’s death as a story for the kids to have an idea of their father. Just writing a history of his life seems so laborious and as you can see from the dates, the past couple of years have not even seen many posts. It’s not that I haven’t thought of Matt, of course. I would say instead that I think I fully understand how Mark Twain could start his autobiography so many times since the age of 42 and not really get to it until age 70. And now I am 40 which is the age that Mark Twain’s friend told him he should have started his autobiography and here I am back again, inspired by Mark Twain, to try again.
Start at no particular time of your life. Wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the thing that interests you for the moment; drop it at the moment its interest starts to pale.
Recently, my brother asked my how I liked my new iPhone 6. I like it but I don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about it. At this point smart phones are mainstream a without any major new features that significantly affect how I use my cell phone, everything is a subtle to me improvement.
Then this morning it hit me how I miss Matt telling me about new technology. He did love checking out the latest and greatest technologies. It was part of his job for a long time and he bought each new Apple mobile product as it came out. I will never forget the day he very carefully, clearly and completely explained to me how GSM and WCDMA cell phone technology works. I could not repeat the explanation to anyone but I remember Matt. These are technologies that developed in our life time.
With the absence of Matt keeping me up to date on the latest technology comes the realization just how much we human beings get out of communication. It’s not just that I’m missing out on delighting in the advancements of my cell phone. I miss all the gentle mannerisms, words, tones, and expressions of Matt talking about something he was passionate about.
We were reading a chapter of Summer’s religious education book at dinner and came to the question:
If Jesus joined us for dinner tonight, what one question would you ask him?
How is dad doing?
-Summer, without hesitation